The Forsaken

Black smoke filled the horizon. The air was filled with screams of terror and pain. Everywhere was darkness and fire. My chest squeezed as the horror of what I saw overwhelmed me. I fell to my knees as sobs overcame me. Bowed over, I screamed my frustration and anger. I had given it all, sacrificed everything…and all for naught. It was my fault....all my fault!  What have I done…no…please…no…my breath came quicker as the pain intensified in my chest…I could not accept it..it can not be…it CAN’T BE! I began to rock back and forth…I could hear my screams, but could do nothing to stop them. I was burning! It felt as though my entire being was being torn asunder! I screamed into the abyss and then…nothing…blessed oblivion. I gratefully sank into the nothingness….thankful my torture was at last at an end. Or so I thought…. 

Who am I? I have had many names. But there is so much more I would like to share. I can feel my memories, my thoughts, my identity, everything that I was beginning to slip away. I wish to share this before it is too late. Before, there was no one left to tell my story.  

My earliest memories are of joy. I was perfect, and I lived in perfection. Looking back, what would I give to have been satisfied with the life I was given? But alas, even perfection can become unbearable given enough time. And I had plenty of time…an eternity to be more precise. I wanted….more. I wanted variety, I wanted change, I wanted something even if I couldn’t put a name to this feeling. I began to search. I began questioning every part of my life. Why was I this way? Why couldn’t I change something and make a different choice? Choice….yes! That is it! I wanted to be able to make my own choices. That day. Oh, how I regret that day. The moment in time I put a name to my discontent and began to seek my own pleasure instead of serving as I was designed to do. 

But I was accustomed to living in a family group, doing everything together, always supporting each other. I could not fathom being alone, so I began to spread my discontent. I spent my days quietly moving about, seeking out the most open to suggestion and planting seeds of doubt and uncertainty in their ears. I was considered a leader in my family, a wise one to be listened to. I was often told I was gifted with my words, I was able to convince anyone to see my point of view. I used this gift to turn many of my brothers to my side. Creating a yet unseen rift in what had previously been a place of perfect peace and joy. With each addition, my pride grew, the surety that I deserved this, that we all deserved this. I became blinded by my ego and failed to see that my actions were not unseen, that suspicions had begun to be raised, I was not as untouchable as I considered myself to be. 

Then the day came, the day I felt that I had gained enough support, I was powerful enough to rise up and take control of our home. None of us were prepared for what would come. As I strode up the silent steps to approach my liege's throne, I felt my chest swell in pride. I sneered at the calm visage of my maker and king.  

“I serve you no longer!” I proclaimed loudly as I neared him. He simply sat, expression unchanged, posture calm and relaxed. I felt uncertainty for the first time. “Why do you sit there? Can you not hear me? I have stolen the loyalty of your people and demand you step down and abdicate to me!”  

He gave a slight sigh, and I thought a look of disappointment and sorrow briefly flickered over his face. But still, he neither moved nor spoke. I looked back at my brothers, whom I had convinced of the rightness of my actions, and to my horror, they began to scream in pain. Their flesh bubbled as their forms began to change. The perfection of their bodies and faces morphed into nightmarish beasts. My eyes widened, and I spun back up to look at him again. The calm, peaceful king I was familiar with was no more; this was the form of a conqueror, an all-powerful being filled with wrath. Fear gripped my heart, and I felt, for the first time in my life, true terror. I fell to the ground prostrate before him, unable to move as I began to sob in fear, begging, pleading. I dared a glance up and cried out in fear; his eyes burned in anger, and his being seemed as though it had grown larger and darker. I could not keep my eyes up, I dropped my face back to the ground and trembled.  

Then his voice tore through me, the power within rocking me to my very core.  

“Enough! I will tolerate this insubordination no longer! You have doomed yourself and your brothers. Until the end of time, you will wander the earth, starving and alone. Now be gone! And never again will you dare stand in my presence!”  

Each word pierced my heart, and I screamed in agony as I felt myself being torn in two. It may have only lasted a few moments, but those moments lasted an eternity in my mind. An eternity of anguish and fear. And then I felt myself being thrown through the air and falling into black nothingness.