Anguished Peace

Silently, I stand, my mouth held shut

against the torrent of anger I long to unleash.

The ones I trusted now turn their backs;

I’m too messy to stand beside.

‘Patience,’ they say, ‘Be strong.’

‘Everything will be ok.’

Words spoken out of love; they only wish to help.

I cherish the thought and love them for their care,

but this anguish… I cannot find the words to describe.

My soul thrashes against these restraints.

Why can I not fight back?

I have spent my life bowing

to the wishes and demands of those around me

I long for the courage to disagree,

my only desire is the chance to be the person I was created to be.

But then, through my torment,

a whisper filters down:

‘Peace, child, peace…’

My mind rebels; I want justice for my pain

Why should I be the one who forgives?

I deserve recompense.

I deserve…shame creeps over me.

‘Forgive me,’ my heart silently cries.

‘Child, peace…’

The hurt and anger that had embittered me

fade away, allowing me to breathe once more.

A tear escapes my eye

as wounds once impossible to bear

begin to heal.

The pain remains, a dull aching in my chest,

but with it, a new strength.

And in my Father’s arms

I find the healing my heart longs for.