Strength Not Mine

Last night, as I lay in my bed alone in the quiet darkness,

I felt fear in my heart for my two little loves.

How desperately I longed to protect them.

The softness of the blanket, the whirring of the fan, did nothing to console me.

And the battle that raged within me last night

was the hardest I have ever fought.

But I knew I must stay quiet and patient.

When at last morning came, I struggled to rise,

my mind weary from my unseen battle.

But I would have no rest now;

I face the judgment and disdain of others.

They blindly believe the lies and deceit.

The silent hell I endured holds no sway as

"Unfaithful!" he cries.

I spent so many years blindly defending

A man determined and desperate to control me.

He spent years of our lives using a verbal knife,

Cutting away the parts that defined me.

As time passes on and the final moment draws near,

his cruel words no longer control me,

and I can only pray he remembers the love

I know he once had for his children.

My spirit is weary, and my heart trembles with fear,

but God’s strength shines through my weakness.

When my courage fails, and I cry out in pain,

He carries me home in his arms.